I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
