You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so explain again why im purple
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
