a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
