Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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