happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
