Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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