you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
