I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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