i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
