I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
