from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
