ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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