I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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