Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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