i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sorry about my life...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
