hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
