so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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