who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
