i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
