my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
