So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Where is the hickey?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
