Sponge bath it is.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
