Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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