youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
