At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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