Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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