We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
