ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I came so hard my ears popped.
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