i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
