just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
