Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
