"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
