New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
