Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
