If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
