everyone is single if you try hard enough
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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