I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
