she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
