Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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