My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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