well most of my day revolves around power hour
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
