You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
