you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
