Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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