Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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