Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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