we'll go far in life on tits alone.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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