after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
