a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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