I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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