what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
