Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
