I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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