I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
